Never let your guard down

Vaughn Cities, London, Mindset 17 Comments

Woke up today, I never check my facebook in the mornings, for some reason today I log in, a quick scroll through. All boring stuff, then I see a post by the german girl. It’s like a stab to the chest. She’s posted mentioning another guy on one of those funny memes. A fat guy dancing. Now the reason it stings, is because she had been doing this to me to flirt with me via facebook since we started going on dates.

I did the typical, looked at the guy she’d posted about, then I got angry, really angry. We’re not dating so I have no right to be annoyed, and I know she knows I have been seeing other girls. I think what annoys me is the lack of discreetness. Perhaps she doesn’t realise I can see it, perhaps she’s doing it to get a rise out of me. What’s important, is that either way, she doesn’t care.

Fat man problems

The offending meme – Fat man problems

What’s really apparent is that I am investing too much of myself in this girl. If she can post one comment on facebook and it hits me like a brick, then I really need to keep her influence in check.

Tom Torero did a video a while ago discussing how it’s players that fall hard, when they fall for a girl. I’ve fallen for her, and I was expected to make her into my girlfriend at some point next year, as she is moving to London.

When so many girls are almost disposable, then you find one you really like, you actually want to hold onto her. I’ve tried not to telegraph that to her, and I think I ‘ve done a pretty good job about keeping myself a mystery whilst drawing her into my life.

Krauser talks about letting them get a window onto your life. The worry I have with that, is that my life isn’t that interesting. Well the parts I can share with her aren’t, I can’t reveal about this blog or the adventures doing daygame I have, and actually that is my most interesting facete.

Mike Cernovich in one of his podcasts talks about becoming compelling to women. That you become so interesting as a person through your experiences and actions that women are compelled to want you. I think I need to work on that.

Now that I’ve put my thoughts down. I can’t control her actions, but I can control how I react to them. The urge to screenshot the offending post and send it to her has gone.

Realistically she is more towards the k end of the spectrum, and I know all girls are always talking to potential suitors, even if they aren’t sleeping with them. Just shows you though, female hypergamy is always working. Or maybe I’m misreading the whole thing, it’s just a friend? but I doubt that.

Actually it’s more because she is k-selected that this is an issue, it took me alot of work to bed her. We’ve already had two really good weekends together, and another 2 planned. That’s alot of investment on her part, well, and mine too, I guess. So this is just like a kick in the teeth.

Probably I’m overthinking this, but if I’m not, then I’m really quite disappointed. Anyway, I know I can’t mention it to her. So the only action is to ignore and carry on regardless.

She’s allowed me to see her true nature though, something I’d almost forgotten.

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Comments 17

  1. I hooked up with a girl a couple of weeks ago, similar to you I liked her, I went a step further & started daydreaming about dating this girl down the line, even started feeling guilty about doing daygame. I shot her a text two days ago and then again yesterday (the dreaded double text) and … crickets! Reminded me that men are the true romantics.

    This is a trap I’d crawled out but my foots got caught in it again. Luckily I think I can pull it out again. I think the moral of the story is to make sure to juggle lots of plates, nip any thoughts of skipping through the park together in the bud and to stop projecting my fantasy of a perfect women onto girls who tick a few boxes. My subconscious is trying to pull me back into a blue pill reality as seeing things as they truly are just isn’t very pleasant a lot of the time.

    I’m now thinking of how to deal with this specific girl. I think there’s a fair chance she’ll come back. Not sure whether to just cut her off completely now I know she’s just another cold hearted bitch. Hmmm. Brightside is replacing her is at least an option now since I have some daygame skills under my belt.

    #ItsAColdWorld

    1. I totally know how you feel, and I’ve noticed a pattern about myself:

      Every time I project, I don’t get the girl.
      Every time I project, I put her on a pedestal.
      Every time I project, I want to please her instead of lead her.
      Every time I project, I regress to a bumbling beta.

      I’ve found the trick is to not project your fantasy on to them. One of my friends who is a “natural alpha” and has 50 – 100 lays to his name told me a great platitude to remember:

      “Remember that beautiful girls also take big steaming dumps too.”

      Not all that is gold, glitters.

      Every time you project, just remember that she also takes steaming dumps.

  2. I don’t understand. Do you mean she refers to you in her post as “mein Holz”, meaning that she’s broadcasting her involvement with you to the world? Or is it that she refers to another man in the post as “mein Holz” so she’s looking to hypergamously trade up?

    Both are possible scenarios and not mutually exclusive in reality. If it’s scenario 1, then it may be that because she’s a K, you projected some of your K traits in order to be attractive to her. That’s unavoidable. But it does mean she’ll be angling for a relationship from you and given how poor women are at keeping their mouths shut about something that suits the feminine imperative, you’re always likely to get caught in the cross fire. You can’t get angry, but it means she misread your end of the situation, or she’ll accuse you of the pump and dump if it ends abruptly. May need a “clear the air” talk so you’re on the same page. I’m not too sure how well that might work though because as I learn more I’m finding that Rollo was right when he said “women never want full disclosure.” Maybe try reminding her of the r side of things by talking about other girls (perhaps through exploring stories of previous exciting sexual exploits, then you could add in some recent ones).

    If it’s scenario 2 then maybe you’re still in K mode while she’s in r and you’re her go to guy for the sex, albeit with the difficult logistics of being in a different country. It’s hard to “de program” that thinking and something I’m stuck at right now myself. As a K you’ll be jealous of another man stealing your woman. As an r it makes no difference, your next lay is just round the corner. You probably know rationally what the right way to act is, but emotionally it takes a while to learn. I quite like women talking about their boyfriends because for me it means that’s one job I don’t need to do. I don’t have to fund her, pay for her meals, she has someone for that already. All that’s left is for me to fuck her. And she won’t want to broadcast any infidelity on her part.

    Your point about letting her into your life is only hard if you have something to hide. Better to go all Steve Jabba and just be honest with who you are and what you believe. Most women can feel the inauthenticity anyway if it’s there so either be honest and say you’re not comfortable talking about it, or be open about your exploits. You may lose the lay, but it stops you destroying your inner game and congruency. Loving you guys’ posts.

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      Yeah, she mentioned another guy in that post. It’s not about me, it’s just that I saw it. I wouldn’t have been bothered but it was the exact same thing that she has been doing to me to flirt with me. I don’t really know what I’m projecting to her at the minute, I thought I was r, now it’s starting to feel more k. I had to connect with her a bit to get the lay, as she was saying she didn’t know me.

      I met her on the street, so she knows I approach girls. I just don’t want to overtly telegraph that to her. More thought required on my part as to where I am with her, and what she sees me as. But for me the biggest issue was that I let her affect me.

      I’ll write up the lay in a new post, as I’ve not told the full story.

  3. @Zatara, at least it puts some hair on your chest. You have to be your mental point of origin says Rollo… Look after number 1. If she isn’t keen then it’s her loss.

  4. I know German girls pretty well (I have lived in Germany for a little while) and I can tell with sureness that their level of feminism is pretty high. “Feminism” here doesn’t mean they ride the c-carousel in the way american girls do (hook-up culture in Deutchland is quite limited indeed), but rather that they feel absolutely entitled to do what they want, with a guilt-free mindset. “What they want” for them means essentially tooling guys (they friendzone dudes like there’s no tomorrow, really it’s insane), having them under their boots, teasing them, attention whoring, flirting with multiple guys, and then feeling ok by going on holidays to Senegal for 3 months because “they like the country” (sic). What a pretty girl from Munich once told me (“*women* decide”: about everything, including relationship dynamics) is a sentence that describes pretty well this mindset. Now, I don’t know exactly the background of your story, but I wouldn’t worry about that facebook post. I know German guys and their level of friendzoness and betaness is beyond any imagination, especially young ones. And German girls are extremely cerebral. What I imagine here, from the few things you expose, is she thinking: “well, after all I’m technically single, what’s wrong if I have some fun teasing one of my friendzoned suitors?” Plus, of course, this is a way to communicate (to you) that she feels still single. AND to test your alphaness (feature which, to her eyes, you would lose in case of unleashing a jealousy rant).

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      I think you nailed it Gazero, she has a million guys after her already, and she has told me a fair few stories about tooling them. She also has mentioned to me a couple of times that she’s “single”, it’s even on her facebook, that’s the only personal info she does show!

      I suppose the beta-temptation is just to get in and ask her out properly. I can’t remember the last time I did that, but that feels extremely wrong and I know it’s a trap. She has to be the one to try and nail me down.

      The Senegal thing is apt, she mentioned going to do some volunteer work abroad “to give back”. I can imagine how that would work out, am sure the village guys would be happy. It’s like girls try and wrap their malevolent intent with innocence and virtue signalling. Well I was just helping them build this orphanage, then I got gang-banged on the way to pick up water from the well.

      “it just happened”

      As for the power-play she’s also the one that has done the dumping for all her last boyfriends. I try and remember that, because at some point her previous “interest” was in the same situation as I am now, and eventually they got nexted. She tells me they are all texting her still, trying to get her back. (never ever try and get an ex back). Girls can be brutal, and I know this one has that capability in spades.

      But apart from all that, she’s really nice, and very hot. However, I’m probably going to get fucked over, so I’ll try and enjoy the ride whilst it lasts.

      1. German girls love to feel the power (especially if you are not perceived as racially inferior, so they won’t feel the guilt), and the tantalizer/victim mentality is still a strong feature of German character in general. By what you say (“Iā€™m probably going to get fucked over”…) you sound like having already adopted the role of victim (or she may be on the process to manipulate you into that…). Be careful šŸ˜€

      2. Rejection is a motherfucker and oneitis gets to us to the best of us. Even the most seasoned alpha player can experience hurt.

        It’s great that you’re recognising that you’re projecting and that’s the first step to avoid regressing to beta.

        Your story reminds me of a time when I met this interesting girl at the gym and I was completely infatuated with her. I thought she was the PERFECT woman for me (because she was intelligent and attractive – just how low are my standards exactly?). I was literally obsessed.

        A couple of years ago I looked her up on Twitter. From her tweets, she’s a bit of a SJW who cries patriarchy. I now thank the higher powers that be that I didn’t get this woman, because she probably would’ve drove me insane.

        Remember:
        * You are the prize. Always. Remind yourself of this.

        * You don’t truly know her – she might have drove you insane.

        * This girl – no matter how attractive she is – takes steaming dumps just like you.

        * Stop using words like “hot”, “cute”, “beautiful” – every time you do that you put more value on them based on extrinsic factors and you will reinforce the pedestal and project perfection on to them. Try using the word “interesting” to describe women (credit: Chateau Heartiste).

        * Practice gratitude every day. Write down 5 things you’re grateful for. Focus on the things you do have than the things you do not. You’ll feel happier in life.

        Accept your feelings, hit the gym, have a drink with a buddy and do some more gaming; you’ll feel better in no time. Also, I’ve heard that banging three more women is a cure for oneitis.

        Good luck pal!

  5. I always assume my plates fuck other dudes. The only expectation is that they give me their best (sexually, emotionally and intellectually) and abstain from drama directed at me when we hang out. Blackdragon calls that the Alpha 2.0 mindset and it’s saved me a lot of heartache over the last year.

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      1. I agree with Garzero. Sounds like she’s a girl in her alpha fucks phase. The hardest thing is keeping your alpha frame. She’s testing you… And girls are hardwired to submit to the strongest frame around…

  7. mate its just a shit test.. DONT REACT!

    1.She takes action (post meme)
    2.you make it mean something about you (she’s not into me, I’m not good enough so she’s flirting with other guys, you’ll know what the internal message is)
    3. you start acting inline with that story as if it is REAL
    4. shit gets fucked.

    take the case of what actually happened in reality . She posted a meme to another guy and it means nothing about you and its means nothing about her and it means nothing about you and her.

    spin another plate and continue with your plans you already have with her.

  8. Thanks for all the advice guys. I ignored her and harnessed my anger by hitting the streets to daygame, been out everyday for the last week.

    I have 2 dates lined up one with a hot English girl the other with an Aussie one. The romanian is still txting too. She just got back from her home.

    Things are back on track with the German. She didnt buy into my sexual escalation over text. And didnt text for 2 days after.

    I held the line and didnt text her. She eventually broke and sent me a message. Restarting the question game we have been playing. The whole thing got bypassed.. passed the shit test by doing nothing. And if anything, its made me like her less.. which is a good.

    Having options is key. The romanian is as hot as her, so my abundance mindset came back. I also got three numbers last night in them cold london streets. šŸ˜‰

  9. Pingback: What have I done? | City Daygame

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